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Books we had sat and read together. It was all covered by cobwebs and dust. I don’t think my parents had been here since I left.There was a blanket on the floor. Memories came flooding back to me. I sat on the floor and curled into a fetal position. We never stopped making out. My god, no we had never stopped. The day before we had been caught we had been snuggling naked here. We had never had sex but ... we did a lot of other things.I couldn’t believe I had buried it. Of course I had never wrote about it anywhere. God help me if anyone knew. I started crying. I had wrote this out of my mind, told myself it had never happened. Not because it hadn’t- because I needed to write Suzie down to get on with my life. I felt horrible.I couldn’t go back here; as with all things well in the past, it was another country and the borders were closed. The couple who made love on that blanket were basically dead. Susan Levine wasn’t Suzie anymore, and I was most certainly not Johnathan Harris. They. I got the distinct impression this was how I would have felt had my first time evolved naturally, instead having been of contrived by Jennie McGrath and sprung as a surprise. I couldn’t remember a time I’d felt this way before, and if I had, it had been long, long ago. Karla smiled nervously and I smiled back.“I, uh, need to use the bathroom,” I said.She nodded and I went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me. I leaned back on the door and took a couple of deep breaths. None of this made any sense to me at all. I was so many years and even more girls removed from my first time that I didn’t get it. I moved away from the door to the toilet and emptied my bladder. I flushed the toilet and decided to brush my teeth. I was stalling! What was my problem?As I ran the toothbrush over my teeth, I tried to think of what the problem might be, and I couldn’t come up with anything. In fact, if there was anyone I should have been nervous with, it was Sakurako. But I hadn’t been, most.
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